Down Sam!

Down boy, down - get off me!
Jesus, you got a big dog Charlie.
He sure likes to play a lot.
I hope the Postman is friendly.

Yeah, I saw him get the ball,
But didn't you see what he did?
He just knocked your tree down -
You ought to put an anchor on him.

Jesus, even when he's sitting,
He's bigger than most men.
Who do you feed to him?
He sure is  strong dog.

Come the spring, I've got an idea!
Why don't you hire him out,
I'm sure he can pull a plow
Faster than any damn mule.

Down boy, down - get off me!
Come April first, I've got an idea!
We'll have a big barbecue,
   Nobody will know the difference.

    

Maxim On Kissing

It really is quite foolish:
For people to kiss so much,
And so often on the mouth.
Why the mouth of all places?

If one really thinks of it,
There are better ways to kiss.
After all, the mouth isn't clean,
Think of all the things we eat.

I myself would much prefer
A more neutral singular place,
One more evenly balanced -
If only for a change of pace.

Certainly, one can think of where.
The bellybutton is just right,
It qualifies in all respects,
And offers much more in retrospect. 

When one kisses bellybuttons,
It really is very nice.
The substance is firm and smooth,
One can even talk a bit.

Think of it before you laugh;
From there, where else you can go,
Up or down, or all around.
The thought is quite provoking.

So when the next time we meet,
 Let us greet in this new way.
It's more the intimate way
Than kissing in the street.


 

Physical Therapy

It is a wonderful place.
All the people are marvelous.
They are here to provide you help,
And move you to help yourself.

They have already taught me to sing.
I'm the best soprano in the ward.
That Renee looks so attractive,
She really knows how to get a scream.

Renee can twist and pull your leg
Until you really hit a high note.
"Mama, if you could only hear me, 
I really do know how to sing."

Where does she get all her devices,
Weights and pulleys with ropes?
Oh, she is an expert at what she does,
And all the boys sing soprano.

Oaxaca Cuckoo Clock

The cuckoo clock was broken
And  it needed to be fixed.
So, I took it down to the town
And found the Watch-Repair.

He was Czech and he said:
"I love to hear a cuckoo clock,
And I will fix this broken clock -
For fifteen hundred peso."

Two days later, the clock on his wall,
I went into the Watch-Repair shop,
And listened to the cuckoo clock.
Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!

I took it home and gave it to Luz.
She loved her cuckoo clock and said:
"Thank you!  My son gave it to me as a gift.
It sounds so much like a cuckoo clock."

She hung it on the downstairs wall,
Cindy said: "I can't sleep with the cuckoo."
So it went upstairs and Windy said:
"Take it down, it cuckoos all night long!"

So next, it went to Mary's room,
She loved the "cuckoo", but one problem,
The chain made a dreadful noise;
And she said: "No thank you to Cuckoo."

So back downstairs it went again,
"Hang it in the closet!  Close the door!"
And in the closet, you can listen,
Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!  Cuckoo!

 Fenwich Land

There is a land known
But to a few of us.
This land is Fenwich,
But do not seek it.

It is different
Than lands you may know,
And only us who know -
Live in this never land.

Where people are joyful,
The men are gentle,
The women loving,
And the music sweet.

The children all charm;
Playing their fun games,
Free to be children, 
They smile their love.

No teardrops fall here,
Laughter is heard clear,
Happiness is near,
Life's moments are enjoyed.  

This land has much more
Than you've seen before,
It has waterfalls
And gleaming rainbows.

It has ocean waves,
And lakes that glimmer.
The mountains are high
And the air is clear.

It is nearby here -
In the thoughts we think,
In the mood of life,
In the love we hold.

Problem Solving

Oh!  He is getting smart
For a boy of only seven.
He knows about dinosaurs
And he reads "Harry Potter".

Oh!  He is indeed smart.
We may have a problem,
His head is not big enough
For all the smarts he has.

What'll we do with that brain?
It is leaking from his ears!
The solution is quite simple:
One new head please: "Supersize it".

The Kid Tells A Fortune

It was a nice day at the Fair,
Judy and Marcus were there. 

She said to little Marcus;
"Look there is a Foretune Teller".

"It says, he can guess my age,
And he can guess my weight too."

Marcus says: "He charges five dollars.
I can do it for only two dollars."

Judy says: "You're only seven,
No way you can guess my vitals."

"Give me two dollars and I'll guess."
Judy gave two dollars over to Marcus.

He, with a big smile on his face:
"You are old, and you are fat."


 

Judd Talking With Angels

O.K.  I'll go on the trampoline.
I'll bounce as high as anyone.
I'll bounce up into the sky.
I'll even talk to the angels.

And higher and higher he went,
Way up into the very Heaven.
His smile got bigger each bounce,
And soon he talked with the angels.

He said: "I want to be bigger,
And I want to be much smarter,
And I want to be really nice,
And I'll not throw any tantrums."

The angels said: "What a nice boy.
He'll drink his milk and get tall.
He'll learn to read and get smart.
And he's already nice without tantrums.

Judd At Six

To be six years old,
It is a very big thing.
Now, you are a young boy -
Not just a little kid.

You get to go to school
With the big boys,
And you learn your letters,
And you learn numbers.

It is a time of passing:
From the world of fantasy,
To the world around you,
Where you must consider others.

You have a special window
To look out of every day,
Because, so much is new to you,
And you need to learn so much.

Whether you become a mechanic
Or a train engineer,
You must begin your studies,
And you must do your very best.
 

Melissa Dances

A very young lady -
Makes her entrance
In a colorful sarong
And a beaded halter.

She catches the sound
And sways to the rythme,
And moves with the beat,
To a Tahitian hula.

With her hands she shows
The story of these lands.
With her hips she sways
To the far off breezes.

And soon her audience
Is captivated in her dance,
Feeling the tropical air,
As she enchants your senses.

And as she looks at you
With dark beautiful eyes,
Smiling at last with delight:
She captures you in her circle.